How to win friends and influence people

I first read “How to win friends and influence people” way back in January 2012. That’s nearly 30 years ago (the book was actually written back in 1938). It had a profound effect on me – despite the fact that I am a psychologist and have read thousands of books on psychology, selling, change management and leadership. Yes, it is a little old and there is more up to date advice on a few of the points in other books. But I re-read it every couple of years as it contains good advice for all sorts of situations – whether networking, selling or resolving conflicts.

I urge you to read it yourself, but for those of you who are short of time, here’s a summary of the main points covered:

Fundamental techniques in handling people:

    • Don’t criticise,  condemn or complain
    • Give honest and sincere appreciation
    • Arouse an eager  want

Six ways to make people like you:

    • Become genuinely interested in other people
    • Smile
    • Remember a person’s name is the most important thing
    • Be a good listener – encourage others to talk about themselves
    • Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
    • Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

Win people to your way of thinking:

    • Only way to get from an argument is to avoid it
    • Show respect for others’ opinions (never say “you’re wrong”)
    • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
    • Begin in a friendly way
    • Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” immediately
    • Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
    • Let the other person feel that the idea is his/hers
    • Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
    • Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
    • Appeal to the nobler motives
    • Dramatise your ideas
    • Throw down a challenge

Change  people without arousing resentment

    • Begin with praise and honest appreciation
    • Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
    • Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person
    • Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
    • Let the other  man save his face
    • Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
    • Give a man a fine reputation to live up to
    • Use encouragement.  Make the fault seem easy to correct
    • Make the other person happy about doing the thing that you suggest